Billie Eilish spoke candidly about her mental health, home address leak, and body dysmorphia in her new Rolling Stone cover interview.
Eilish said that once she had to give up dancing due to a hip injury is when her depression started. “It sent me down a hole,” she shared to Rolling Stone. “I went through a whole self-harming phase — we don’t have to go into it. But the gist of it was, I felt like I deserved to be in pain.”
During her time dancing, Eilish revealed that she experienced body dysmorphia. “At dance, you wear really tiny clothes. And I’ve never felt comfortable in really tiny clothes,” she explained. “I was chubby and short and always worried about my appearance. That was the peak of my body dysmorphia. I couldn’t look in the mirror at all.”
Even though her mental health is in a better place right now, she admitted that she still gets anxiety leaving for tour, sometimes she doesn’t trust herself to be alone.
“I just couldn’t take the fact that I had to leave again,” she explained. “It felt like an endless limbo. Like there was no end in sight. And, I mean, it’s true, there really is no end in sight with touring.” Eilish has concerts, festivals, and tours planned through 2020. “Thinking about that literally made me throw up. I’m not a throw-upper, but I threw up twice, from the anxiety.”
Another moment of anxiety for Eilish was when her home address was leaked online. She described it as “really traumatizing.” “I completely don’t feel safe in my house anymore, which sucks.” She continued, “I love my house.”
Last year, Eilish saw a therapist a few times to improve her mental health and found it “alright,” but forced herself to go back again. “I have a job that doesn’t allow me to break down,” she expressed. “I can’t go cry somewhere, I can’t go scream and be mad. I have to work. I just was in such a bad place. It was too much on me. I was too much on me.”
Now that she’s worked on her mental health, it has improved. “I haven’t been depressed in a minute, which is great,” she said. Eilish claimed that seventeen is the best year of her life thus far.
To read her full interview, pick up the Aug. issue of Rolling Stone.
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